February 2012
mom: did you just take your laptop into the bathroom
me: look mom i either bring the laptop to the bathroom or bring the bathroom to the laptop if you catch my drift
mcsingle:
i accidentally just opened internet explorer and it was faster than chrome
3 tags
1 tag
hollivander:
I hope all of Rick Santorum’s children are gay.
Sleep is for the weak: lettherebecramp:... →
lettherebecramp:
autumn-and-eve:
rosemannequin:
homorobotica:
fraudstory:
richwhitelesbian:
i hope rick santorum is walking down the street and someone is walking the opposite way towards him and they both try to go around eachother the same direction and…
1 tag
tobiasfunkesjeancutoffs2:
wow it’s already 1:30am on wednesday morning and none of my 948 boyfriends have texted me to wish me a happy leap year i’m 3000% done
2 tags
parents: wow you look gorgeous you are so beautiful
family: surely you have 14 boyfriends and boys falling at your feet
friends: omg you are soooo pretty
boys: i've never really seen this species of animal before
If you’re a “nice guy” to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex.
"Oh, you've redecorated!"
doctorwhoproblems:
4 tags
3 tags
margaytroid:
in west of the internet
born and raised
tumblr.com is where i shipped most of my gays
marththebland:
I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger
8 tags
zooeyclairedeschanel:
if your man starts a reformation to separate the church of england from the roman catholic church because he wants to divorce you because you can’t produce a male child to inherit the throne
he’s just not that into you
if a girl likes you: She will flirt with you, play hard to get, twirl her hair ect.
if a boy likes you: He will flirt with you, chat you up, talk to you ect.
if I like you: I will murder your entire family and/or your pets, then arrange them into pretty and symbolic portraits on your bed that show what I will do to you when I have you.
Me: Tumblr should fix ghost notes
Me: Tumblr why are you not working
Me: Tumblr why are my messages disappearing
Me: Tumblr Just let me use Missing E
Me: Tumblr why can't I unfollow someone who's deleted
Tumblr: Hey everyone have some new icons
the awkward moment when
teen pregnancy is more acceptable than being homosexual.
1 tag
a haiku for the bus driver who deliberately drove...
l7one:
I swear to god bruh Let me catch you in the streets Bruh I swear to god
1 tag
step one: take out homework
step two: reward self with two hours of internet for getting that far
1 tag
Watch
sonitusvir:
shoulderblades:
did you know
there is a whole world outside of your computer
cashcrab:
I can’t believe Tumblr is only paying me $17.50 per note these days. I guess we really are in a recession.
1612th:
i wanna be one of those celebrities that people only care about when they die
lnternetporn:
The whole “hipster” thing is just about dead, y’all can stop with the ray bans, PBR, and curly mustaches now and leave the word to middle school girls describing their new flannel
me: hey i havent taken a picture in a while
me: *takes picture*
me: *remembers why i dont take pictures*
5 tags
oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind hallucinatory drug.
i’m in the next aisle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat
am i a bad person
5 tags
butthorn:
I’m going to go to Titanic 3D and bring little spray bottles of water and spray people during the sinking of the ship to help with the 3D experience